


Midnight Confessions

by TimeLadyoftheSith



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Mentions of the Time War, Midnight Confessions, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 17:01:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10442721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeLadyoftheSith/pseuds/TimeLadyoftheSith
Summary: The Ninth Doctor gets woken from dreams of the Time War. Rose convinces him to talk about it. They both make confessions.





	1. Chapter 1

_There it was. It looked so inoffensive, resting there in the sand. A box gilded in gold, just a box. Yet, he knew what he must do. He always had to do it. It was a cycle, and he was stuck in it. There was no escaping it. The ruby bloomed open, and he screamed at himself not to do it. He had no control as he stepped forward. His fingers touched the scarlet gem, and he could see them. He could hear them. The screams of the children, the cries of the women, they shouted his name like a curse. The edges burned his hand as his fingers closed around it against his will. He had to do it. There was no stopping it. "Please, not again." He choked. "I don't want to. Please don't make me." He felt every muscle in his body begin the downward press._

_Then a whisper shattered it all "Doctor, wake up."_

The Doctor snapped awake, jerking at the warm hand on his cheek. He floundered, tangled in bindings that were light and soft, his sheets. They were just his sheets. His eyes adjusted to the darkness. He was in the TARDIS, in his bed. He wasn't in that accursed barn. The warm hand was still pressed to his clammy cheek. A slight weight was near his left hip. "Rose?"

The Doctor was confused. No companion had ever found their way to his bedroom. He had hidden it away ages ago. It was tucked anonymously between a storage cabinet and a cleaning closet. He looked up at the blonde human perched beside him. Her hair was fussed a bit, and her normally heavy eye makeup had been washed. Even in the near darkness of the room, she looked so beautiful.

"Hello Doctor." Rose's smile was a welcome sight after the nightmare. "Bad dream?" She was still holding his face. He wondered if she'd noticed.

"Yeah." He wanted to savor the moment, but he didn't deserve the affection of the innocent woman sitting on his bed. The Doctor pushed himself up into a sitting position. He tried not to frown more at the loss of her touch. "Happens when you've been around for as long as I have."

Rose tucked her legs under her, and she rested her hands in her lap. "Doctor, I didn't even know you slept." She had a genuinely surprised look on her face. "I've been traveling with you for six months, and I've never even seen you in pajamas." Her eyes were squinting in the dark, and he could make out the flush on her skin when she realized he was shirtless.

"Of course I sleep Rose." The Doctor chuckled. "Just don't need much sleep, me." He ran a hand over his close cropped hair. "Superior biology, remember. Just need four or five hours every seven or so days." He raised his eyebrow before he remembered she couldn't see it well. "Unlike you humans. You lot sleep a quarter of your lives away."

"What was the nightmare about?" Her voice wasn't prying, but her hand was moving across the sheets. He took it in his and smiled as she did.

"Nothing major." The Doctor gave her hand reassuring squeeze. "Just the ghosts of the past." The abnormal intimacy of this made the warning bells in his brain go off. It was too much, too affectionate. He could feel the urge to pull her into his arms building. He couldn't let it continue. Rose was a spark of light in a vast universe. Someday, he knew, he would blink and she would be gone. Attachment was forbidden, because then it hurt.

He had his rules, and even though sometimes he wanted to break those rules he couldn't drag her down into the darkness of his past. "Okay, bed time for the human." He dropped her hand. "Of you go."

Rose didn't move. She was staring at him with concern. Damn that human compassion that she radiated so vividly. "Liar." Her voice wasn't accusatory. It was a statement, a fact. She was calling his bluff. "I heard you screaming."

"I wasn't screaming, Rose." He met her gaze. He wanted to make her run back to her warm blankets, back to her sweet slumber. He wouldn't taint her with his darkness.

"But you were Doctor. You said please don't make you do it." Rose was scooting closer to him. Her hip brushed his ribs. "Was it?" She paused for a minute and squinted at him again, trying to catch his eyes. "Was it the war?"

"What?" The Doctor forced himself to snort in disbelief. When had his Rose become so insightful to his mind? No, not his Rose. She could never be his Rose, and he needed to cut that line of thinking short right now.

"My grandad Prentice." She tucked a hair behind her ear. "He was in World War II yeah? I don't remember much about him, but once, when I was five, I heard him screaming in his sleep. Then Gran was telling him he wasn't in the war anymore." Her instinctive fingers had found his hand again. "Your scream sounded just like his."

"Yes." The Doctor decided that maybe if he confirmed her suspicions, she'd take it and let him be. It was growing harder to resist her this close. She smelled delightful. She was wearing some sandalwood and vanilla lotion, but under it he could smell that distinctively tantalizing Rose essence. "Happy?" He put his normal gruff snark into his voice, but it was hard. "Off to bed now."

"Doctor, do you want to talk about it?" Roses hand squeezed his softly. "I'm your friend. I don't want to go back to bed if I can help."

That was Rose. Her naivety could get her in trouble every time he turned around, but it was always because she wanted to help. "You don't know what you're asking, Rose. Go to bed. You wouldn't understand?"

"Why?" Rose had dropped his hand roughly and stood. "Because I'm just a stupid ape?" She crossed to the door, and he could make out the line of sleep shorts brushing her thighs as she walked.

If she would just leave, The Doctor could swallow the primal desires and put his head on straight. He could slap on his mask of sarcasm, wit, and snark. He wouldn't have to struggle with himself, to control his body, and they'd make up tomorrow. Rose's words slapped his face. "I tell you almost everything about myself Doctor, and you keep everything packed away! That isn't how friendship works Doctor."

The Doctor felt his hands clench into the sheets. He felt his defenses disappearing just as she was through his door. "Rose wait!" He banged his head back against the headboard, instantly regretting his call. Well, in for a penny. "Come back."

Rose shuffled back into the room and shut the door behind her with a click. "Yes?"

"Come here." He patted the bed beside him. She was on it in a flash. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and huff a laugh. "Always so eager to muddy up that pretty little soul of yours. Dangerous habit, that is."

"Oh, come off it." Rose shook her head at him.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Rose, but the Time War was not like those pitiful little things your planet calls war." He felt her hand slide into his, and it tugged at his hearts. "It wasn't just happening on my planet, or the Dalek's planet, which is called Skaro by the way." He fell silent. The Doctor was aware of her soft breaths, the way she followed his face with her eyes, but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the dark ceiling overhead. "It burned across the entire universe, to every moment in history. Every massive war on Earth, that was how your planet felt it."

The Doctor knew, if he drug it on, he could probably bore her to sleep discussing which planets fought who. If he did that, she'd be mad when she woke up. "Rose, I told you I destroyed the Daleks at the end, and that my planet burned. I just never told you-" He clenched his jaw. He knew he should look at her, face it like a man. He had made the decision that day, but the Doctor didn't think he could handle the disgust he'd find there when she knew. "What I didn't tell you is that I was the one who destroyed my planet. I'm the one who burned them up. I pushed a button and destroyed them all. Every man, woman, Dalek and child alike burned because of me."

The Doctor expected her to run. He expected her to be disgusted by him. He did not expect her to place a hand over his left heart and say "I'm sure you had no choice."


	2. Chapter 2

"Doctor." Rose's voice was soft in the dark. "Look at me, please."

He couldn't resist that word coming out of her mouth. The Doctor was powerless against it. He lowered his gaze to meet her eyes. "You don't know what you're saying, Rose. You weren't there." How could see not see the horror in what he had done? "Rose, it wasn't like I was trapped in some control room and had no other option. I planned it. That's what my nightmare was. What my nightmare is every time I sleep. I always go back there and push the button."

"Doctor, I know you." Rose put a slight pressure into the hand over his left heart. He felt like she could reach in and touch his soul, what was left of it anyways. It sent goosebumps down his arms, and he was thankful for the dark. "You'd never, ever do anything like that unless it was the only choice."

The Doctor couldn't help but place his right hand over the one on his chest. "It wasn't a choice. It was an act so evil that the universe literally went silent. Every moment in time from the birth of the first atom to the death of the last stood still." He felt that emptiness growing inside him. That echoing emptiness in his mind that spread through him like a wave. The silence that reminded him how alone he was, that reminded him of his punishment. "Do you know why I survived, Rose? Do you? Because that was my punishment. All I can remember as I waited to die was a voice telling me my punishment was to survive, to be alone."

"But you're not alone, Doctor. There's me and the TARDIS. We're here for you." Rose's words wavering. He could hear the pain she felt for him. Why would someone so inherently good feel for him?

"Oh, Rose you don't understand." The Doctor wanted to take her lovely face between his hands and try to make her comprehend what he did.

"I understand that you think you're a monster." There she went again, diving right into his internal demons. "But you're not. You're so good." The earnestness in her voice was like ice on the burning shaming in his veins. Rose scooted closer on the bed, and the Doctor swallowed when she placed her other hand over his right heart. "These hearts are full of so much good, Doctor."

The Doctor had to pry her hands away to fold them into her lap. If she touched him for one more second, he was going to kiss her until she saw stars that rivaled what was shining outside his front doors. "I've told you what my nightmare was, Rose. Now go to bed."

"No." Rose's voice was firm. "I'm not finished. You are a good man. You claim you're superior biology is so amazing, so why are you so blind?!"

"Rose! Just let it-" The Doctor's words were silenced by the warm lips pressed to his. Rose was kissing him. Her lips formed to him like velvet clay. The way they formed to his caused his eyes to drop closed and his hearts to skip beats. Now her hands were on his neck, and her mouth opened to his tongue. She tasted like sunshine and hope and salvation. The Doctor moaned into her mouth, and it was that moan that jumpstarted his brain. Too close! Too close! Pull back! The Doctor broke the kiss and forced his eyes open.

Rose was staring at him breathlessly. When had his hands tangled themselves in her hair? "Doctor, I'm.."

"Lights!" The Doctor barked at the TARDIS. The yellow glow lighted the room enough to allow him to fully see her. Her cheeks were flushed and her plump lips were parted as she gave little gasps of air. A flash of regret and shame coursed through him as she covered her face.

"Oh, Doctor. I'm sorry. I just..."

"What?" He was properly shocked. He had to be if his mouth couldn't translate the barrage of questions flowing through his mind. Why had she kissed him? Did she feel the way he felt? Was she insane? Was she trying to pity him? That had to be it. She pitied him. Frankly, the Doctor didn't care. He'd wondered an incalculable amount of times what those lips would feel like pressed to his. How'd they'd look when she gasped out his name in ecstasy.

"I just." That blush was spreading very enticingly down Rose's neck to the exposed flesh of her collarbone and shoulders beneath the thin straps of her tank top. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." His voice was still ignoring his brain, much like the rest of his body. Yep, his hearts were in full control now. His brain threw up it's hands in defeat.

"Huh?" Rose's eyes widened in shock as she lowered her hands from them. The look on his face must have betrayed him, because now her lips were curled up in a hopeful smile. "You're not mad?"

Out for a pound, that's what he was. The Doctor leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. If there was a hell, he was definitely going. He wound his hands in her hair again. He felt Rose melt against his chest as he slipped his tongue against hers. Breaking the kiss again he smirked. "I've been dying to kiss you for months."

His Rose let out a gasp and threw her arms around him. He savored her touch as he lost himself in her embrace. The Doctor slid his fingers down her spine, reveling in the shiver that trembled through her. He fought to keep his body in check under the sheets. It was already next to impossible, but he lost the war when her teeth pulled at his bottom lip in a quick nip.

"Rose." The Doctor gasped, feeling the blood rush downward.

"Yes Doctor?" She sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and ran her tongue across it. She released it with a graze of teeth and looked up at him with a sly flutter of her lashes.

"If you keep that up, we might have a small problem." He admitted wryly, resting his forehead against hers.

"Oh." Rose licked her lips and trailed a hand down his chest. The Doctor really should stop her, but he couldn't stop caressing her back. "This doesn't feel small or like a problem."

The Doctor gave a guttural moan as she cupped him through the sheet and his pants. 


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor bucked into her touch. She was going to be the death of him. She was kissing down his neck now, every so often nipping the skin lightly. Her free hand was shoving the sheet away as she did. Pulling her lips back to his, the Doctor slid down onto his back. He grabbed her leg and hauled her on top of him. "Rose, if we do this." His hands found her rear and he kneaded the supple flesh through her shorts. "It can't be a one off deal."

"Really Doctor." Rose ran a tongue along the curve of his ear. "What kind of woman do you take me for?"

"My favorite one." He gasped as her hand gave a stroking squeeze to his hard length.

"So, you've got someone else I should be worried about huh?" Her husky voice sent electricity down his legs.

"Nope." The Doctor reassured her as his thumbs slipped up the legs of her shorts to stroke the skin.

"Good." Rose kissed her way down his chest, and she slid her hand into the waistband of his pants.

"Oh no you don't." He growled and flipped her onto her back before she could blink. "Ladies first." He couldn't help but stare at the way she looked below him. Her pupils were blown wide with desire, and her hair was fanned out on his pillows.

Rose's chest rose and fell with short breaths, and the Doctor found that he was absolutely jealous of the cloth shifting across her breasts. "That needs to go." He smiled and began tugging up. After some maneuvering, that rubbed her hips against the most aching part of his body, the sleep top was deposited somewhere on the other side of the room. He cupped her breasts eagerly, squeezing them gently, and flicking his thumbs across the nipples. "Perfect." He whispered, and took the right one into his mouth.

"Yes!" Rose gasped as he rolled it with his tongue. "Fuck."

That filthy word made his length twitch. The Doctor caught the pink nub between his teeth and pulled lightly. This drew a succulent moan from Rose's mouth, and her hips rolled under him. Oh he wanted her to do that again. He switched to the other side, and this time she arched her back, grinding her pelvis up into him. "You are so beautiful."

The Doctor kissed and licked his way down her body, when he ran into the band of her shorts he let out a growl of frustration. He curled his fingers into the elastic and pulled. Rose wriggled her hips, and the shorts joined her shirt.

"Doctor, please." Rose was practically panting now, as he lowered his hand to the damp curls. Well if that's what she wanted, who was he to deny it.

The Doctor slid his fingers through the slit. The wetness he found there was mouthwatering. She was so aroused and wanting for him, of all beings. It was a glorious feeling. He watched her face as his finger trailed over her clit, and smiled smugly at the way she grasped the sheet and twitched. Oh he wanted to make her explode. He trailed his finger down further, and circled her entrance teasingly.

"Doctor, -" he cut her short by slipping a finger into her and curling it upwards. She was so tight and hot. Her head fell back onto the pillow as he worked another finger into her. She was biting back the noises he wanted to hear, he could tell. That would not do.

The Doctor darted his tongue out, flicking the tip against her clit. That earned him a mewl of pleasure. He wanted more. He latched his lips around the pink bundle of nerves, and began to suck and flick as he thrust his fingers into her. He felt a surge of ego as she began to squeeze her thighs around his head. She was close already, and the Doctor briefly wondered how long it had been for her. It didn't matter, she was all his now.

Rose tasted heavenly. She was sweet and salty, with this underlying aftertaste he couldn't quite describe. He could feast on her forever.

"Doctor, I'm gonna." Her words were garbled, as she lifted her hips to him. He felt her soft hands on his head as she pushed him in closer.

The Doctor groaned in determination. He wanted to make her explode. He nipped at the delicate bud and sucked it again. He felt her walls begin to flutter, and he nipped her again. That did it. Rose bucked under him, her walls spasming around his fingers. He kept his eyes on her as she called out his name and tried to push his face away. He let her clit slip free of his teeth, and gave her slow firm licks with the flat part of his tongue. Watching her come undone was the most beautiful thing he had every witnessed.

"Enjoy that a bit?" He chuckled smugly as he prowled his way up her body.

"Mmm just a bit." Rose purred and captured him in a sloppy kiss. The Doctor shivered as she pushed at the band of his pants. "But I want more."

"Greedy girl." He chastised her teasingly as he pushed his pants off. "So impatient."

"You bet I am." Rose cheeked back as her fingers wrapped around him and gave a firm stroke.

The Doctor had to bite back a gasp and focus, because he almost came at her touch. He closed his hand over hers, pulling it away. He took himself in hand and ran the tip of his length along her sopping wet curls and slit. "Is this what my lady wants?" He queried, gazing into her hazel eyes.

"Yes!" Rose cried, and the Doctor sank into her in one quick stroke.

The feeling of Rose around him was indescribable. The Doctor found his thought process had short circuited at the tight wet heat. The same thought repeated in his head over and over: make her cry his name. Rose's legs had wrapped themselves around his waist as he began to move inside her with relish. Each thrust in made her cry out and each slide back made her dig her nails into his back. The way his body reacted to each sound would have made Pavlov proud.

The Doctor kissed his way along her neck, licking and sucking as he went. Rose had fallen into a string of babble calling him a god and begging him not to stop. Why would he stop? He was in heaven. She was so close again, and he could feel her clenching around him. He wanted to make her explode again. He pulled his lips away from hers to moisten his thumb, then bracing himself on one hand, he began rolling her clit.

"Let go for me, sweetheart." He gasped, struggling to fight off his own approaching completion. "I want to see your eyes."

Rose dragged her nails up his back. "Doctor, I don't think I can." She gasped, tossing her head back onto the pillows. Oh that would never do. He rolled her clit twice more and Rose was bucking under him again. "Fuck! Doctor! Yes!"

The Doctor grabbed Rose's hips tightly, and lost control of his rhythm. He felt the pressure building, the muscles below his waist tighten, and with a shout of her name he found his release inside of her.

When his vision cleared he gazed down at his sweaty, panting, and flushed Rose. Her nails were scratching lightly along his back, and her eyes were closed as she bathed in the afterglow. He slid out of her with a gasp, and brushed his lips across hers. He grinned down at her like an idiot when her eyes fluttered open.

"That was amazing." Rose preened, dragging a bare leg against his.

The Doctor shivered at the smooth sensation and collapsed into a panting mess beside her. He couldn't quite get his respiratory bypass system to corporate. "Yes you were." He praised her, pulling her into his arms.

Rose snuggled against his chest, humming contentedly. "Doctor?" She murmured against his skin.

"Yes Rose?" He asked, trailing the back of his hand along her soft arm.

"I think it's my turn to confess something." She looked up at him shyly. What could she possibly have to confess now that was so important?

The Doctor swallowed, trying not to lose the rush of pleasure he was riding. "What's that Rose?" He murmured the question into her hair.

"I love you." Rose's voice was so soft even his superior hearing almost missed it. The Doctor felt his hearts soar.

"I love you too," The Doctor whispered back, pulling the sheets over them.

Rose loved him. He had given in to her love, and the universe hadn't punished him. The Doctor had never felt more at peace in his life.

"Rose?" He whispered again, but she didn't answer. His adorable woman had fallen asleep against his chest. "Lights please." He whispered to the TARDIS, and she darkened the room. The Doctor closed his eyes, and for the first time he knew there would be no golden box waiting in his dreams.


End file.
